Outrageous Holiday Gifts

Sometimes I like to keep things practical (like sharing the best holiday gifts under $50) and other times, I pretend like I have unlimited funds and add ridiculously expensive things to my wish list (AKA Pinterest) knowing if I can ever afford them, it will be when I have a full face of wrinkles (like Botox wouldn’t even be able to help me at that point). But a girl can dream, right? And isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Dreaming? (and Santa?)

So I did what I do best — browse the Internet — to find the most outrageous and extravangant gifts that are actually included in various e-commerce gift guides (including Net-a-Porter, Barneys, Moda Operandi and Neiman Marcus to name a few). Like this original Andy Warhol drawing (pictured above) that can [ironically] be yours for just $100,000. Oh you’re not a Warhol fan? No worries. There are still plenty of art objects (and other ridiculous / random / ridiculously random gifts) you can get your hands on, if your bank account allows it of course.

Another ironic one — the $70k piggy bank (or in this case, a pop art teddy bear bank). Although you’d think it should be 24k gold with diamonds and come with a year’s worth of La Mer for that price, it’s just sterling silver…at least it’s exclusive to Moda Operandi, right? (exclusive = $$) But if you REALLY want to go all out, you can opt for the most expensive thing in this entire post — an iconic Damien Hirst dot painting that will only burn a half a million dollar hole in your wallet. However, I realize not everyone is into art. Or maybe you want to go for something more…exotic…this holiday season? This year, you can give the gift of a private burlesque session with Dita Von Teese…for just under $20k. Not too shabby considering you get to chat with her before your lesson and indulge in some “bubbly and nibbles” (which I’m hoping by “bubbly” they mean this specific bottle of Moet & Chandon Dom Perignon by Karl Lagerfeld and by “nibbles” they’re referring to lobster topped with caviar and fresh black truffles). Now, if you’re looking for the ultimate kid’s gift, Dita probably isn’t the route you should be going BUT thankfully there is a life-size dragon (which is only life size if you’re under 3’6) that will keep your child occupied for a good 30 minutes…until they realize video games are more fun.

But wait…there’s more! What’s actually the least expensive item in this post is still pretty extravagant — a limited edition Givenchy lipstick in a croc case. Typically I’d be sold on on anything that strings “limited edition” + “Givenchy” + “croc” in the same sentence…but can I justify $300 for lipstick? Maybe the day I can justify $1,350 for fake eyelashes (which is never) and that leads me to my next gift — these $1,350 diamond eyelashes (can’t help but think Kim Kardashian definitely owns 6+ pairs of these). Sometimes it’s best to give some sort of set for the holidays so the recipient feels like they received a lot and you feel like you got some bang for your buck. Well if you really want to not feel that way, you can opt for a box of lipstick and nail polish (although it is Tom Ford) for $656. If you’d rather splurge on skincare (as opposed to makeup), go for the La Prairie Eternal Platinum Holiday Set (which just sounds expensive) for $1,700. I would hope using this would delay my wrinkles so much that I’d be able to afford a 24k iPhone6 (coming soon) while I still have a few dark hairs left.

So about that 24k gold iPhone6. I can’t tell my current gold iPhone6 that it’s basically just a phony (see what i did there?) but I can tell you about this luxe tech gift because it can be yours for $4,500. It has all the same features as a regular iPhone6…except you’re more likely to get robbed. But when money is really no object, you need a safe yet awesome place for your collection of Hermes cuffs and vintage Rolex watches…like this Highclere jewelry box that will run you $93k. It is pretty badass but if you have kids, I suggest not letting them see this as you will unknowingly give a $93k doll house (or should I say castle?)  filled with your priceless jewels to your toddler. Getting back to more “reasonable” items…like this traveling wine box (although never to be used with boxed wine) that’s ideal for those who must keep their wine and wine accessories in a $2,900 vessel for all those occasions where you must travel with your wine and wine accessories (so like all the time). And what would you say if I told you that you could have a BMW for just $21,300? You can…if you like toy cars. This BMW 328 Premium Collector Children’s Car is perfect for those who have an incredible amount of disposable income…to bribe their kids to do anything they want for a year (two if your kid is a true vintage Beamer fan).

If you’re looking for the one gift any fashion lover would appreciate, a rare Birkin will always do the trick…especially when it’s the Himalayan Matte Nilo Crocodile 25cm Hermes Birkin Bag. And if you have $115,000 to spare, you’re going to make one lady very happy (just don’t let Kanye or North near this thing).

If you want to feel like a princess, but aren’t cool enough to land a friendship with Kate Middleton (money can’t buy everything), then this Bibi van der Velden Kryptonite sterling silver and diamond headband is second best. At just under $5k, you can prove Lorde wrong…you can be royal.

Know someone who gets regular manicures? Maybe someone who’s done it every Monday for the last three years? (hint hint) Then give the gift of limited edition Christian Louboutin nail polish…for just $675 (at least the formula is chip resistant?)

Last but not least, Net-a-Porter is really taking it to another level this holiday season with their fantasy gifts…like a stylist for a season starting at $24,000, a handbag subscription (haha take that Birchbox!) for $29,000, shoes for every week of the year at $41,500, the ultimate beauty kit for $3,250 (basically a steal) or the endless shopping bag that has the best price of all…unlimited.

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So if you’re in the mood to just go totally broke this year, you won the lottery or just happen to be some sort of heiress, then…happy shopping!

If you’re like the rest of us and can only dream of owning some of these ridiculous things…which one would you pick? Any favorites from this post? Have you found any other extravagant holiday gifts online that I didn’t feature here?