Here Comes The Bride…

And let’s just hope she’s not a Bridezilla. As of this past weekend, I’m officially no longer a bridesmaid virgin (and I realize that probably doesn’t sound right but you get the picture). Prior to this journey (dare I use the word journey, Anna Wintour?) I had been to three weddings in my adult life, and I still don’t totally know all the protocol. There seems to be so many rules when it comes to attending and being in a wedding, but who came up with them in the first place? Like how did we even get here? Let’s investigate.

Thankfully, the wedding I was in was not for a Bridezilla, I had some say in the bridesmaids’ dresses and overall, although it was perhaps one of the longest days of my life (roughly 8am start time to 1am finish time) I couldn’t believe how much fun it was (and the fact that I had fun while essentially wearing the same thing as seven other girls is kind of a big deal). I guess I can surprise myself sometimes…

Now for the questions I have about wedding party protocol…like — Since when did it become a customary to have a destination bachelorette party? As a friend who will remain anonymous once said, “just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean we all want to take a vacation.” Who decided bridesmaids should look like clones? How do you know how much money to spend for the string of gifts you’re obliged to buy (engagement party, bachelorette party, shower, wedding and I’m sure there’s more occasions I’m unaware of that people invent just to get more gifts)? Should I consider de-friending the bride-to-be if she requires dyed-to-match shoes for bridesmaids? Unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers…but I do have the answer to the last question — yes.

Like I get you’re the bride so all the attention should be on you but that doesn’t mean you put what you consider to be your “best friends” in something hideous…something hideous that they paid for, might I add.

Sorry Pamela Love, but no one needs that much yellow!

According to Elle it costs an average of $1,695 to be a bridesmaid…per wedding. So if you have a large group of friends who all seem to have found “the one” roughly around the same time, and you’ve been asking for a raise the last two years and still haven’t gotten one…I’d either find a new job or start ending friendships now (both if you really can’t live without that new Givenchy bag). Thankfully, in the same article, they shared sites that could actually help decrease that number like ones where you can rent a dress (Vow To Be Chic and Rent The Runway), ones where you have the option to buy or rent, all for under $200 (Little Borrowed Dress) and one where you can actually vote on bridesmaids dresses (this is a democracy after all!)

I realize that planning a wedding is no easy task (well actually I wouldn’t know first-hand as my last name is still Gambaccini but I know enough people who have been engaged so I can just pretend like I get it). Have you seen Vogue‘s checklist for wedding prep? This is just prepping yourself (hair, skin, etc.) and months in advance. Eyebrows, tanning, Keratain, teeth whitening, waxing…and that’s only beginning. I only get regular hair cuts because I schedule them at the end of my previous one…otherwise I would be living with split ends 90% of the time, and thats not a good look for anyone. Regardless, I can’t imagine having to deal with all this other stuff (thankfully Vogue published another article about wedding apps that make it all much easier…but it’s still crazy you would need an app all to plan one day of your life!)

Overall, if you’re in your mid 20s, this is where it all begins (and sometimes everyone gets knocked up too…double the commitments and double the presents). I wish I could tell you all the rules and help you navigate through this wedding-packed time in your life. But I have no idea what the hell I’m doing either. I say if you’re a maid or an attendee, ask your friends who are also in / going to the wedding and wing it. As long as you don’t wear white (unless you’re a Kardashian and it’s the bride’s request) then you should be okay. Although I think I might put on my future wedding invites for suggested attire, “white encouraged” just as a big F U to wedding rules.

For gifts, stick to the registry (unless you’re like me and wait until the last minute when everything from the registry has been purchased…in that case there’s some really cool stuff on AHAlife). I’m sure there’s websites out there that tell you how much you should spend, but I say spend what you can afford but just make sure you spread your budget out between the shower, wedding, bachelorette party and engagement party (if you happen to be invited to all four). Other than that, I really have no further advice for you. Maybe YOU have advice for ME? My only other words are…don’t be a Bridezilla. I’m so thankful I have yet to personally experience one (and I hope I never have to) but I know way too many people who have. If it’s such an honor to be a bridesmaid, make them feel that way!

What are your thoughts on all of this? How many weddings have you been in? Do you feel like there’s certain rules you have to follow? Do you even know these rules to begin with? And if there’s any rules you think I need to know, TELL ME. I’m clueless. In the mean time, if you need a little dress inspiration (and you’re not the bride)…

Disclosure: I’ve been wanting to write a post like this for quite some time, mostly due to the bridesmaids stories others have told me. I thought I should wait until I experienced being one myself, which I now have. Alex, if you’re reading this (although I’m hoping you have better things to do like enjoying your new husband in Hawaii), thank you for making my first bridesmaid experience a great one. The nicest thing you could have ever done for me is not force me into anything shiny, fitted, or poofy and for that…I’m forever grateful.

Images via Vogue, Elle & Pinterest